There’s More to a Girl Than Just Her Behavior National Parents Center

There’s More to a Girl Than Just Her Behavior

July 27, 2011 – 5:19 am

Asking children repeatedly to complete chores or homework seems like just one more roadblock to effective parenting. It isand heres why. Parents focus on behavior their daughters outside part and miss the her inside parts: feelings, thoughts, beliefs, and, most importantly, trust in ones self-worth.

When a car will not start, do we keep turning the key, hoping the battery will miraculously function each time? No, we go right to the inside part. We pop the hood and charge the battery. Then we turn the key, and voila! Were good to go. Inside part fixed; outside part works fine.

Knowing your daughters inside and outside parts will eliminate a lot of roadblocks, making your parenting journey a lot more pleasant.

Heres a quick parts review.

Good performance and good character are two important cornerstones for building self-worth.

Theres nothing like an A as a reward for great effort. Most parents focus on the end goal a clean room or completed homework assignment and they dont pay enough attention to the effort part. Teach your daughter to exert her best effort at all times and your she will be successful. Effort is a lot easier to control than results.

Positive character ensures enduring relationships the most rewarding and healthy life success. Responsibility, perseverance, empathy, self-discipline, and honesty are the basic character traits that need to be taught daily.

These character traits have two big-time positive consequences:

Were not born with these traits; they need to be learned. And you, the parent, are the best teacher.

These are the inside mechanical parts of a human being, the power source for doing what we do. We all have about forty thoughts per minute going through our minds, each thought filled with feelings (happiness, sadness, anger), causing what we say and do. And beliefs give us our internal rules for right and wrong and are the cause of everything we do.

Feelings are the most powerful inside part, the energy source for determining your daughters outside behavior. When Amies mad, shell yell, argue, or hit. When she is happy, shell laugh and joke. Feelings are the x-ray picture of whats going on within the heart of your daughter at any given moment. Respond to your daughters feelings first and she will feel you meeting her life essential need to be understood, especially during conflict.

Trust is an essential human need for our entire lives. Developing trust in a child is in a parents job description: Instill trust and your daughter will become a trustworthy, successful adult.

During infancy trust is about being adequately nurtured with food and feeling emotionally comfortable when upset. Then throughout the adolescent years, its about physical and emotional safety and feeling understood and accepted, no matter what problems pop up.

And the result of instilled trust?

Children feel comfortable in their own skin, they learn to rely on themselves, and theyll know when to trust others. Translated into a kids lingo: Since Mom and Dad trust and believe in me, I feel good enough about myself and know I can handle just about anything including finding great people to love.

Sound complicated? It can be, but the following three tips will make it a lot easier and youll get plenty of rewards along the way.

What about the not so great stuff? Help Emma trim off the jagged edges of her daily drama while letting her know, Your excitement about life is really fun to be around. And deal with Annas temper tantrums by saying, I know its really hard to not blow up, but well help you put words to your upset so you can be calmer.

Conclusion: Pay attention to the inside parts of your daughter and teach her to trust herself and all kinds of good things will happen.

National Parents Center